Figment
by aprosexia
Summary: COMPLETED//Joe Jonas. "Throw your dreams into space like a kite, and you do not know what it will bring back, a new life, a new friend, a new love ... " -Anais Nin
1. note from the author

**from the author**

Things I feel as I post this story? Slightly embarrassed, excited, pre-emptively regretful. Please be kind as your read and (hopefully!) post comments, as it will probably be different from a lot of the other things in the JB fanfic realm. I have no beta so feel free to correct things you see. Criticisms are welcome too!

I do not own, know, or am attempting to portray accurately the Jonas Brothers, their lives, or any other people mentioned in the forthcoming chapters. Also, I do not own, know, or am attempting to accurately portray the meanings or inspirations of the songs mentioned.

When I first opened up a word doc and starting typing the dream, it was just a stress reliever after a hard day. When I decided to turn this into a story, I wanted to focus on the girl. The more I wrote, the more I became fascinated by Joe, the character.

Note also, this is not a romance. At least, not primarily.


	2. william dement

"**Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives."**  
**-William Dement**

The sky was starry, but she couldn't tell. The streetlamps were ablaze, and everything seemed a little too bright for the night. She was on a pier, she thinks. Is that the Atlantic in the background? Maybe it's just a pretty street, the kind with the old-fashioned green street lamps.

He is in the center of a small group of friends. He's talking and laughing. Her eyes focused on him and only him. His friends were faceless, barely there in her eyes. One moment he seemed like a blurry speck on the horizon, and the next, every detail on his face became clear.

Her feet must have been moving at an unbelievable pace, but she didn't feel rushed. She felt a strange sort of elegance. Not the kind that comes from wearing a fancy evening gown or an expensive necklace with a pair of dangly earrings. A self-sustained, internal elegance. This must be what they call confidence.

His eyes locked on hers and for the next several minutes, they never strayed from hers. Suddenly, she was there, inches from his face. Her chest pressed gently against his. Their fingers entangled at their sides. They stood motionless, silent. The only movement was the mingling of their oral exhalations.

Calm. Anxiety. Passion. Love. Content. Joy. These didn't just flow through her veins. They reacted violently with each other within her chest, releasing this incredible and previously unknown warmth. She felt alive.

Her eyes closed, and there was no more.

----

**A/N: Chapters will be longer. Please keep reading! **


	3. erma bombeck

  
** "Dreams only have one owner at a time. That is why dreamers are lonely."****  
-Erma Bombeck**

"Now don't get me wrong: you laugh a lot, but you only ever smile or laugh when we do something to make you smile or laugh. Lately, you've been smiling a lot for no reason," Kevin methodically laid out his observations. He almost seemed worried. She laughed at his concern over something like smiling too much.

"I... I've just been feeling really good lately."

"Good. I just thought you were illegally using laughing gas..." he trailed off. "Or..."

"Or?"

"Or something else..." He smiled mischievously. He leaned his head in anticipation of an explanation.

"Nope. No reason." She grinned, drumming her fingers on the tabletop. She got up from the tiny table and walked towards the tour bus door. "I've got to help set up the stage. See you later, rockstar."

Kevin was her closest friend on the tour. With the crazy schedules, she has not kept in regular contact with her friends back home or even her two younger sisters. Their connection is easy to understand. They are less than a year apart. They both are the oldest of their respective families. Their senses of humor are very complementary, if not identical. Her ease of going into deep conversation and her disdain for shallow conversation impressed him. His well-grounded logic and honesty drew her to him. The reason for their friendship was very clear to her.

It's been four days since her encounter with her literal dream-guy and already people are starting to notice its effect. She felt this deep desire to talk about it but an equally strong inclination to protect her dream from the weight of the real world, from the judgmental thoughts of others, from the scrutiny of reality. As she shuttled the amps from the bus to the small stage, she tried to replicate that burning sensation in her dream through sheer power of will. It didn't work.

The concert started. The girls went crazy as the boys introduced themselves and began their set. She was watching them from backstage. Despite being present at every single mall appearance and major concert in the past four months, she's never actually watched them perform. She was usually just content with hearing the drowned out melodies from far away.

When it came time for their power ballad, she paid special attention. The past four hundred times she has heard this song, it has had no effect on her. But suddenly, whether it's because she's actually watching someone sing the words or whether it's because she's still wrapped up in her dream, the lyrics touched her. Suddenly, the words "When you look me in the eyes, I catch a glimpse of heaven" don't seem so unbelievable. She's experienced it... sort of.

After that song, she retreated to a quiet corner away from the stage to rest her eyes. Nestling into an old couch, she pulled a cap over her eyes and listened to Brahms and Mozart to drown out the resonating screams of the fangirls. She was awoken unceremoniously by a small dense object hitting her on the head. She groaned in a most unfeminine way.

"Why, alo there, mate," a lively, horribly executed Australian accent greeted her ears. She lifted the cap and straightened her posture.

"Why, hello there, Joseph," she responded, less than enthusiastically.

"I was just playing some hackeysack and... whoops!" He shrugged his shoulders and made an innocent face. She cracked a smile as she wiped her eyes from the lingering sleep.

"How was the show?"

"You know how these mall performances are. Extremely loud with bad acoustics."

"They seem to get bigger each day. I swear I saw some girls hiding behind some plants when I was setting up. You should be honored to be the object of such..." she stopped briefly in search of the right word.

"Enthusiasm?" Joe offered.

"I was going to say 'rabid obsession' but yours works too." They both laughed. He sat down on the couch next to her.

If there were one word she would use to describe Joseph Jonas, that word would be "romantic." Although they rarely hang out without Kevin or a group of friends, she felt that she knew him. She had him pinned as the most emotional. The one most driven by his emotions. This may be because he is the voice of songs with titles like "Please Be Mine" and "When You Look Me In the Eyes." She really doesn't really why this label applied only to Joe in her mind, and not the others.

"Hey, Joe?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you actually feel everything that you write about? Your songs, I mean."

"Yeah, I do. At the core of all the songs I write, there's some personal experience there."

"Hm..." she murmured to herself. He looked at her face and watch her go deep into thought. She snapped out of her inner monologue and asked, "Hey, this might be a little personal. You totally don't have to answer it if you don't want to, but would you mind telling me what you were thinking about when you were writing 'When You Look Me In the Eyes'?"

"A girl," he answered, offhandedly.

"Who do I look like? Ryan Seacrest? This isn't a radio interview, Joe."

"A girl who I liked," he answered again, smirking at his own wit.

So that was that. She gave up her inquisition. She stopped looking at Joe as a possible emotional confidant. He's just another person who wouldn't understand.

"You know what? You should probably ask _Kevin_ what he was thinking about when we were writing," Joe suggested, his voice dripping with subtext. He leaned in when he emphasized his brother's name.

"Yeah, maybe," She said dispassionately, choosing to ignore his blatant reference to her non-existent romance with Kevin.

Disappointed at not being able to share her dream, she left the room about the same time the whole Jonas clan entered.

It was a stupid idea anyway. Stupid ideas have been coming to her a lot lately, it seems. A dream restoring her faith in love? Almost as ridiculous as admitting that fact to a mere acquaintance. Why couldn't she just forget it like her thousands of other dreams?

While disheartened by her conversation with Joe, the bubbly feeling returned to her when she thought back to the dream. All was well again.


	4. eugene ionesco

**A/N 1: This story is taking over my life. I have done close to zero hours of school work since posting this story. I love it. (: **

--

**"Ideologies separate us. Dreams and anguish bring us together."  
-Eugene Ionesco  
**

--

"So Jeanine asked me something weird today," Joe said, while laying out on his tiny bunk bed.

"Huh?" Kevin turned around from the computer and took of one of his earphones.

"J asked me something weird today," Joe repeated, excessively enunciating each syllable.

"Oh really?" Kevin turned his back to Joe once again. "What'd she ask?"

"She basically asked me my inspiration for writing 'Look Me In the Eyes'." He couldn't hold back his smile when he said his last line. Joe scoured his brother's body language in search of any tell-tale signs of his brother's interest.

"Why is that weird?" his brother responded blandly. Joe smirked, thinking his brother was putting on a façade of disinterest. He decided to play along; afterall, he does like a good game every once in a while.

"I dunno..." he started innocently. "We hardly ever talk and all of a sudden she asks me this personal question. Hey, you think she likes me?" He spat out the last question quickly, trying to catch Kevin off guard.

Kevin turned around in his seat.

"I doubt it."

He turned back to the computer screen. Joe grinned wide. Yup, his brother definitely likes this girl.

"Hey, I wouldn't be so sure. It's possible. Plus she's kinda cute..." Joe trailed off, awaiting his brother's response.

"Really? I wouldn't think that you would think so," Kevin responded.

"Why not?" Joe asked, pausing the game for a moment.

"You have a very specific type, Joe. If you haven't noticed."

Joe thought about his brother's last statement. He decided not to argue this point any further and returned to his covert interrogation.

"Well, seeing as my history isn't the best. Maybe it's time for me to change my type." Joe answered.

"Oh man, you putting the moves on J? This I have to see," Kevin turned around again, smiling and very amused at the prospect of his brother's failure.

With those words, Joe gave up his pursuit, at least for now. So maybe, quite possibly, Kev didn't like her.

He focused his energy at staring at the ceiling with his hands behind his head, waiting for sleep to find him. The gentle shaking of the bus was helping. He began to think of J's question seriously. His last thoughts before drifting off to sleep were of his ex-girlfriend. In the midst of this lazy thinking, he realized that the one moment he thought about during the writing of "Look You in the Eyes" happened almost exactly a year ago. Her birthday was coming up. He wishes that he didn't remember the date so well.

--

At night, the tour bus made a gas stop along the interstate. Joe was just staring out the window, listening to an album Nick had just downloaded. It was about two in the morning, and everyone in the tour bus was asleep, even the night-owl Kevin was asleep. Joe had given up on sleep about one hour ago. He stared motionless out of the window and spotted a small figure in the distance. When the bus came to a complete stop, Joe ran out the bus doors into a largely empty parking lot.

"Hey! Wait up!" His screaming worked. She stopped, turned around and watched him catch up to her. "What's up?" He asked, breathlessly.

"Just getting a midnight snack. I thought you'd be exhausted. You had such a busy day today."

"Yeah, I guess I have a little insomnia."

"Are you the only one up?" she asked, returning to her leisurely pace again.

"Yeah. It's pretty boring. Hey, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for blowing off your question yesterday. It wasn't the nicest thing to do."

"Oh, no, not at all. It wasn't any of my business anyway," she assured. "I really didn't expect you to answer." She continued walking, hands stuffed in the pockets of her fitted jean jacket.

"Well, if you're still curious, I could tell you..."

"Only if you want to." She opened the door for him. Fast food, a convenience store filled with merchandise covered with the name of the state, a Starbucks, and the usual highlights of rest stops awaited them inside.

It didn't matter if he told her anymore. Yesterday, she decided to keep her dream a secret from the world, like the pirates of old who buried their riches so no one could ever find them.

"Well, my girlfriend... my _ex_-girlfriend..." he started off slowly, "We were finally together after, like, almost a year of knowing each other. So I surprised her with a dinner. Granted, it was only some take-out, but I did the whole sha-bang: flowers, candles, white linen table cloth, nice china, suit and tie. All out on the balcony outside her bedroom, mind you. We had an awesome dinner. In the middle of it, there was this moment of silence and we just stared at each other for probably a whole minute, although it felt like an hour. I felt so content with that silence. It was like we didn't need to talk to understand each other."

"When you look me in the eyes/I catch a glimpse of heaven..." she began reciting lines from the song.

"Exactly. Me, Nick and Kev started and finished those lyrics that very night."

After a beat of silence, she spoke up. "Hey, can I talk to you about something?"

"Oh no, are we breaking up? I know we didn't even start dating, but I swear I can cha-a-ange!" He started pleading, over the top as usual.

"Hardy har har."

"Okay. Seriously, what is it?"

"Well, you kinda have to promise not to tell anyone. And you have to promise not to laugh or anything. Or that story you just told gets printed to every teen magazine in the country!" She pointed at him as a warning. He knew she was serious in her meaning but there was still something bubbly and buoyant even when she's threatening him.

"Okay." They shook on it. They both shifted in their seats, facing forward.

"Well," she started, staring at her hands, "I had this dream the other night?" It came out as a question. She didn't mean for it to come out like a question.

"Hm?"

"Well, I'm not sure where to start. There was this guy... Now don't think like that! It wasn't that kind of dream. We just shared this moment." She started to look at the ceiling and her voice got ever-so-slightly higher. "This unbelievable moment. I've never had that kind of emotion before."

"Who was the guy?" he interrupted her train of thought.

"No one. I've never seen him before. Anyway, it's so strange on so many levels. One, I never have dreams as vivid as that. You know? I could feel his fingers between mine." She faced him now. She stopped talking, playing with her fingers.

"Why is this a secret?"

"I don't know. It just is. The past few months I've been feeling really unemotional. Not depressed or anything. Just... bleh. And for the past couple of years, I've slowly started to believe that kind of love was impossible to feel at least for me. I just assumed and accepted the fact that I can't be that emotionally attached to someone. This dream... this gave me hope. It's just a little embarrassing. You know, I'm an adult now. I'm not supposed to be all sentimental over some strange dream, which probably was just the result of the ice cream I had before going to bed."

He didn't say anything in response.

"Did I just dump all this on you? Do you feel weird?" She asked. Her nervousness was obvious to him.

"Oh no... not at all," he assured.

"It's just that... I just can't explain something like this over the phone to my friends back home. Kevin will probably just think was being flighty and emotional. I figured you, oh emotionally turbulent one, would understand, the songwriter who writes about pain and joy and love." She explained, counting the reasons on her fingers.

"So this would explain the happy happy joy joy over the past couple days?"

"I guess so."

"I didn't really see it, honestly. But Kevin insisted something was up. Hm."

"I guess he can read me pretty well, huh?"

"I guess so."

He wanted to mention Kevin and suggest that she ask him about what he was thinking when he helped write "Look You in the Eyes." But he didn't. When he returned to his snug cot fifteen minutes later, he wondered why those words got caught in his throat. He contemplated, only briefly, why he didn't feel guilty for being a good wingman for his brother. It must've been because Kevin was so in denial and didn't ask for his help in the first place. Yes, that must've been it.

--

**A/N 2: So, I only gave her a name out of necessity. If I could, I wouldn't give her a name at all. It's just a thing in my writing... I hate giving my characters names. **

**Also, did I mention I have a soft spot for Kevin? I'm going to stick him in whenever I can. In fact, I don't even know how I ended up writing about Joe. haha...  
**


	5. roger starr

**A/N: ****Baybee, her name's (Jeanine) in the last chapter. It was kind of glossed over, so I could understand if people missed it. It's not a big deal really. I love all comments. Keep 'em coming!**

**Here's a question for you all to mull over. Why did Joe chase after her in the parking lot? Hm...**

--

**"Reality is the best possible cure for dreams."  
-Roger Starr  
**

--

The ice was broken.

Joseph had known her for about four months. The two of them even had dinner together, albeit in a group setting. They were rarely alone together, and when they were, it was only for a minute or two. She was always part of the background. She felt the same way. After their rendezvous in the parking lot, their dynamic had changed. Each had placed just the tiniest bit of their own selves into the other. They couldn't afford to let the other roam around unattended, carrying around that missing piece.

Strangely enough, they haven't even seen each other since that meeting in the parking lot two nights before. The next time they saw each other was under similar conditions. She was asked to go on a donut and coffee run. She was expected to return with two dozen donuts and "two gallons of the most caffeinated liquid allowable by law," to quote one of the crew managers.

"We have to stop meeting like this," she joked upon spotting Joe walking towards her. Joe, once again, caught her walking out of one of the vans. He offered to go with her despite the risk of being spotted. He merely pulled the brim of his hat over his eyes and put on his oversized white-framed sunglasses.

"You know, white sunglasses may actually draw _more_ attention to you."

"Too bad. These are hot," he said, in his male model voice. He does that voice a lot. She rolled her eyes, lightheartedly. "I have to pick up some toothpaste for the bus. Our last one looked like it got run over by a skateboard."

"Ew."

"Tell me about it. I had to watch Kevin and Mom clean it up."She chuckles.

He likes her laugh. It's understated and always sincere. She doesn't giggle like most girls. When he hears it, he feels accomplished. No wonder Kevin likes talking to her: he must get a huge ego boost with every conversation with her.

The walk to the coffee shop was mostly quiet. The silence was interrupted only by the standard conversation fillers, "How'd you sleep?" and such. He opened the door for her. The shop had just opened ten minutes before and was void of other customers. She began to rattle off a litany of the types of donuts she wanted. After she ordered the coffee, the cashier, an older, humorless man, reluctantly pulled his body past the swinging doors to get help.

"It's the one-year anniversary of the moment," he announced, after the cashier stepped away.

"What moment?" she asked. She quickly caught herself. "Ohhhhh. _That_ moment. How are you going to celebrate?" she was being facetious about the question, for the most part.

"I'm going to flirt with as many fans as possible," he joked. She chuckled quietly, looking down.

"What happened after that night?"

"You know... typical drama. We broke up maybe a week after."

"Ha, ironic. The remnants of that night is preserved forever in a song and yet..."

"You want irony? I'm pretty sure that she wrote her own song about that same night."

"What? You never told me she was a singer! Who is she?" her interest was piqued even more about this mystery girl.

He was reluctant to give an answer.

"I call her AJ."

"As in the AJ from 'Aly and AJ'?" she spat out, surprised at his revelation. His silence and the a momentary flash of regret on the bottom-half of his face answered her question. "Well, are you two at least still friends? You said you were really good friends before you dated."

"Um, let's put it this way. I'm pretty sure her song 'Potential Break-Up Song' is also about me."

"Wow, so you're like our generation's David Lee Roth and Van Halen, huh?"

"Haha, pretty much. With less hair, though."

"Not for long if you don't get that growth on top of your head tamed."

The coffee came out in two large boxes. She obviously needed help carrying everything back. The cashier put the boxes of coffee into a large plastic bag. Joe held the coffee, and she held the two long boxes filled with sugary confections. Outside, she began humming sporadically, softly humming a few notes, stopping, then humming a couple more. He didn't pay attention to the melody and focused on the rubbing of his outer thigh against the warm bag.

She broke the silence abruptly, "Wait, you forgot her birthday?! Joe!" _Oh, she was humming "Potential Break-up Song."_

"No!" he answered, insulted at the suggestion of negligence on his part. "Apparently I called her 'too late', whatever that means. I called her the _night of_ her birthday. She flipped out."

"That couldn't have been the only reason. Unless she truly is crazy."

"She's crazy," he asserted with a tone of finality.

"Well, it sucks that you lost a friend through that ordeal," she added quickly before the topic was mutually and completely dropped.

Somewhere within the span of their conversation, they wandered into the convenience store and were strolling through the candy and chips aisle.

"Swedish Fish or Sour Patch Kids?" she asked, after scanning the selection of candy.

"Swedish Fish, hands down."

"Mmm... agreed," she said, grabbing a bag before cleaning her pockets of spare change. "What about your toothpaste?"

As she stood in line, Joe went to select a tube of toothpaste in the miscellaneous aisle, the one filled with all sorts of roadside needs from automobile coolant to hairspray. They shared the sweet, chewy candy on their walk back to "headquarters" while relaying memorable events about the days they weren't together.

"Uh oh, last one!" he announced. "You can have it."

"No, take it. Give it to Kevin or Frankie or something."

"Oh yeah, I'm sure they'll be really grateful for **one** Swedish Fish. They might start to cry at your generosity."

"Fine then. How about we play for it?"

"What game? If it's a footrace, then prepare to be burned!"

"Since we both don't seem to want it, we each give a reason why the other person should take it. Best reason wins."

"Who decides what the best reason is?" He set the boxes of coffee down on a collapsible table. She likewise set down the things she was carrying.

"I think we're both grown up enough to decide together. Or at least I am."

"But not grown up enough to just take the last Swedish Fish?"

"Precisely. My first reason is: you look like a stick and could use the extra sugar to put some meat on your bones." She laughed.

"You should take it," he quickly shot back, "because you're not a major rock star like me."

"You should take it because you're a rock star whose audience is primarily prepubescent girls!"

They went through a couple more rounds of exchanging barbs before the game unceremoniously ended.

"This Fish is yours because the closest you've ever come to love was in a dream!"

Up until the last word, her face was soft and playful. With the last hard e, her face hardened and the pain was almost visible in the corners of her mouth. The air seemed colder too. His mouth closed, he took in each new breath through his nose, which stung from the inside from the icy air. For that strange and lengthy two seconds, his breathing was the loudest thing on Earth.

"Just take it. Goodbye, Joe."

He took it. He deserved it.

--------------------------------

**A/N: The idea behind the game was taken from _Notting Hill._ The rules were kind of reversed in the movie.**

**Also, I think it bears repeating that I have absolutely no idea what the relationship was/is between Joe and AJ. I also don't have the slightest inkling as to what inspired the songs mentioned.**

**This will be a relatively short fic... 6-7 chapters, 8 at the absolute max. If you are upset about the imminent end to this story, I started writing a companion (a pseudo-sequel) to this story, told from Kevin's point of view. It's definitely a different style. Look out for that in the future! **


	6. baltasar gracian

**"Dreams will get you nowhere, a good kick in the pants will take you a long way."**  
**-Baltasar Gracian**

--

It must've been the early morning. He probably wasn't fully functioning. His brain just skipped a beat.

Amidst his brainstorming of reasons for his verbal screw up, Joe grabbed his phone with the intention of texting her. Before even hitting his contacts button, he realized he doesn't have her cell number. He sighed dejectedly.

In one swift motion, Kevin pulled open the curtain that covered Joe's bunk. He absorbed the sight before him before cocking his head to the side and putting his surprise into words.

"Joe. Fully-dressed, hair straightened, even texting before I wake up. What universe am I in?"

"It's been a weird morning," Joe explained.

"Tell me about it," Kevin said, patting down his rebelliously curly hair and ambling to the bathroom.

"So I've been thinking about AJ," Joe threw out the words to his brother, who was out of sight at the moment.

"Nuh aye, I?" his brother responded from the bathroom, presumably with a toothbrush in his mouth.

"It's her birthday tomorrow," Joe curtly explained, pretending to understand his brother's last sentence. Joe could picture his brother staring at the mirror, laughing to his reflection and shaking his head at his naive brother. "What do you think I should get her?" he said with an ironic half-smile. He heard his brother spit in the sink and the sound running water hitting the sink.

Kevin began talking, presenting his opinions on the matter. Joe looked over at his brother's bunk. Kevin's phone was on top of his pillow. Joe struggled to reach while still keep the bulk of his weight on his own bed. With a bit of acrobatic skill, he pushed himself completely onto his own bed. He sat on his pillow with his phone in his right hand and Kevin's in his left. Within twenty seconds, he pressed 'send'.

Then it hit him. He had no idea that his comment would upset her. That's why he said what he did. That's why he does all that he does: he has no idea what girls are thinking.

"Why do we have two tubes of toothpaste?" Kevin asked aloud.

--

Was she mad at Joe? Despite her initial reaction, she wasn't. Not really.

She kept replaying the conversation in her head when she was going around the stage, unraveling an extension cord for the speakers. One after another, things she should have done, things should have said kept popping into her mind. She moved on to setting up the stage lights. While climbing up the latter, she felt her cell phone vibrate in her back pocket.

_ I'm so sorry. i didnt _  
_mean to upset you._  
_-joe_

She knew all that already, but it was a nice gesture. She quickly shut her phone and gently tossed it into a stack of jackets nearby.

A couple weeks ago, she would've laughed at the comment and continued exchanging insults. Why is she so touchy all of a sudden? Maybe this was what she feared. The weight of reality is slowly starting to crush her dream and, consequently, her faith in it. Nevertheless, she shouldn't have made Joe feel guilty for her own insecurities.

Within no time, the stage had come together. As the finishing touches were made, the boys were tuning their guitars and warming up their voices. She kept her head down and focused completely on her final menial task, taping down wires behind the stage. She then walked to the pile of jackets when she noticed her cell phone cover was lit up. She slid one arm into a sleeve while opening her new text message.

_ what, no smile for your  
favorite rockstar? where _  
_did the laughing gas go?_

She couldn't help but break a wide smile. She looked over her shoulder at the stage, where Kevin was smiling at her, casually holding up his cell phone with one hand and pressed his guitar against him with the other hand. Turning around fully, she smiled back at him. Behind him was Joe, spying on the moment. Shifting her gaze to Joe, she smiled and waved. Her smile told him everything is okay between them. He got the message and turned his back. Unaware of Joe's presence or the silent conversation that just took place, Kevin watched her walk away as he casually strummed a few bars of a tune stuck in his head, a new song.

--

That night, Joe was alone in the bus. Their current location turned out to be the hometown one of their backup guitarists; Kevin went out with them. The rest of his family went out to eat together. He stayed behind though, claiming he felt a little nauseous, which wasn't a complete lie.

Taking a break from watching DVDs, he scanned his list of contacts on his phone, but just as he expected, her number wasn't there. He must've deleted it when they broke up. Kevin probably had Aly's number. Kevin will probably be back in about an hour. By then, it might be too late to call her. He groaned.

He had planned out what his words will be. Unlike most other conversations with girls in which he just improvised, he had thought about exactly the points he wanted to make, like a President's list of talking points during a press conference. He wanted to avoid all confusion and make his intentions crystal clear.

"_I'm sorry that we aren't friends anymore. I think if we can both admit we both made some mistakes (even though I don't know what mine are), we can go back to being friends or at the very least, not enemies. This does not mean that I want to get back together with you."_

He's beginning to think the trouble wasn't worth the benefit. He kept thinking about his conversation this morning. Little comments that she said like "It's a shame you had to lose a friend in that ordeal" or "I'm always support people getting rid of anger and hate" drove him.

Into one of the search toolbars on the computer screen before him, he typed in "aly aj lyrics." If they broke up one year ago, then the album they released this past summer must have been written after or during their relationship. He clicked each one, even the one he was familiar with. As he poured over the verses, a sudden moment popped into the forefront of his mind.

_How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days._ One of his ex-girlfriends forced him to sit through it. In fact, it might have been AJ in one of their many late-night DVD nights on tour. The climax of the movie, where the main characters finally realize the secret of the other, in which they sing-slash-scream the words of Carly Simon's "You're So Vain" to each other. Maybe Carly wrote that song about a vision portraying this very moment: a teenager pouring through his ex's lyrics trying to decipher which lines are about him. Concerns over his vanity didn't stop him though. Kevin and the gang barging into the bus in a flurry of conversation and wrestling? Yeah, that would stop him.

He quickly changed his screen to something less embarrassing and stood up to greet all the guys. Apparently after dinner they went to play some pool. As most of the attention was focused on the retelling of a funny anecdote from that night, Joe whispered to his brother that he needed his phone. Without question, Kevin handed his phone over and plopped in a booth in the mini-kitchen, his attentions occupied by the enthusiastic storytelling.

So he stepped outside, copied the numbers to his phone and called. If she picked up quickly, she probably deleted his number and didn't know it was him on the other line. However, it took six to seven rings for her to pick up. He could picture Aly recognizing his number and talking frantically to her sister before deciding on the best course of action.

"Hello?" a female voice answered the phone. It was Aly.

"Hi, this is Joe. Can I talk to AJ?"

"Uh..." there was two seconds of silence. "Yeah. Here she is," she sounded bored. It was probably just her masking her resent.

"Joe?" an all-too familiar voice said weakly.

"Hey..." Shoot. He hadn't planned the greeting. "Uh, I guess you're, uh, wondering why I'm calling."

"Yeah," she answered, bluntly. She didn't sound too angry; that's a good sign.

"Well," he looked at his watch. 12:17. "Happy birthday," he said, "I remembered it this year. Heh." Okay, maybe joking wasn't the best thing to be doing now. Her stifling silence confirmed this fact.

"Yeah, whatever," she responded mutedly.

"I just wanted to let you know, for the record... I didn't forget last year," he started, he intended to move onto the 'let's be friends again' portion, but he was interrupted.

"Uh huh." She sounded incredulous.

"I couldn't have forgotten even if I wanted to. What, with you reminding me every four minutes." That was not one of the talking points.

"Listen, Joe. I don't want to argue. So unless you're calling to apologize. You can hang up right now."

"Uh, what do you want me to apologize for?" He wanted to sound sincere, but it came out with a slight twinge of defensiveness. He felt a little defensive.

"For screwing with my feelings. For ruining my birthday. For wasting my time. For leading me on..." her voice got progressively louder.

"I didn't mean to do any of that. In fact, I don't even understand what happened." he caught himself before he started yelling. "You know, I was calling to see if we could put the past behind us, but it's obvious you can't so whatever. Bye."

"Fine, I'll just 'get over it' and go 'whine' to my 'hotter friends'," she hissed. He recognized the words immediately.

She hung up before he could. He couldn't believe she used his own words against him.

--

**A/N: **_Did Joe just get majorly pwned by AJ? I believe he did..._

_For those of you worried that this fic is going to revert to the typical teenager drama plot, don't worry. I assure you it won't. For those of you wanting this fic to revert to the typical teenager drama, I'm sorry but you'll be very underwhelmed by this story._

_I loved all your comments, especially the one about my grammar. Haha, I love my grammar rules!  
_


	7. the perishers: reupped

_about the edit: The original chapter didn't have the middle scene. I felt that the original chapter didn't really have a note of finality about it. I don't know if this does either, but it helps clarify a little. This is the last we see of Joe in this story. _

--

**"I've had my head among the clouds/Now that I'm coming down/Won't you be my solid ground?"  
-The Perishers, "Sway"**

--

That morning, she found blood in her underwear. A crimson wake-up call, telling her that all the hopeful days were all based on nothing more than a few chemicals in her brain. It didn't mean anything. Nothing at all. J moved sluggishly that morning. Her face was blank, and she had the hood of her sweatshirt pulled over her head. By the way she moved, shoulders slouched and eyes downcast, anyone could see that she just wanted to blend in and be ignored.

"Hey, what's up?" Joe greeted her.

"Nothing much." She didn't want to talk, especially about this.

"Seriously?"

"I just was thinking. I wish I never had that dream," she said sourly.

"At least it was left as a dream. Dreams never come true anyways. I mean, if they did, I could breathe underwater and would be dating Jessica Alba."

"Sure..."

So not only did she realize this morning that her dream was a figment of her monthly, she hears Joe admitting he thought this whole dream was a farce from the beginning. Great.

"What's wrong?"

"I just have a headache."

"Well, I have some Advil in the..." he pointed his thumb behind him.

"Oh, I already took some earlier. Thanks anyway."

He stayed next to her, despite her thinly veiled irritation. She didn't want to be like this, but in spite of her own self-awareness, she stayed in a crabby mood.

"Do you want to tell me something?" she asked, wondering why he was still walking next to her.

"Uh, I called AJ yesterday. I thought about your advice and..."

"Wait, what advice?"

"About how it's a shame that me and AJ aren't friends anymore."

"That wasn't advice. It was just a general statement."

"Well, it doesn't matter. Because I took it and called her."

"What did she say?"

"She went off. Started quoting my song."

"Wait, why would she quote that?"

"I guess I didn't tell you. I wrote another song about her, post-break-up."

"Oh, Joe..."

"I didn't even get a word in!"

"She's angry! Listen, I don't know what you want from me, but I have to go now. So, good luck with everything." Her last words were amicable, but her tone was less than friendly.

As she walked away, he yelled the first thing that came to his head. "What's wrong?"

She heard him, but pretended she didn't. He cocked his head to the side, thoroughly confused. His phone began to ring.

"Hey Joe, come quick. Me and Kev are writing a new song. Come to the recording bus."

"Okay, I'll be right there," he responded in a hush voice. He began following her path he thought she took. He found her sitting atop of a picnic table. She was slouched over her knees; she almost seemed asleep. He started to walk over to wake her up until she sat upright on her own, a hand moving from her face. She was crying.

He stopped dead in his tracks, immobilized by the unexpectedness of the situation. He just felt awkward being in her presence and unsure of his next move.

And at that moment, he realized. Whatever tiny butterflies were nestled in cocoons in his stomach, whatever excitement he was getting from talking to this girl, whatever he felt for her wasn't enough to comfort her now. He wasn't the right person. So he backed away as silently as he could. Once he was sure he was out of earshot, Joe began a light jog to the recording bus.

--

Kevin entered the recording bus, interrupting his brothers' harmonization. Nick stopped at the end of the line to write something down.

"So, how is she?" Joe asked.

"She's fine. She just had some personal problems." Kevin was being intentionally vague, unaware of the fact that Joe knew much more than he thought.

"What did you say to her?"

"I just listened to her. I just tried not to stifle what she was saying with what I wanted to say."

Nick, wanting to get back to work, said, "We moved the original first verse to the chorus. It just fit better. We put your lyrics were moved to the first verse."

"She's okay now, though?" Joe continued his inquiry.

Kevin, juggling his brother's differing agendas, took the sheet of lyrics from Nick and perused the scribbles, crossed out words, and arrows. Simultaneously, he answered Joe's question.

"Yeah, she's okay now."

He knew before, kind of like how you know the Earth is round in kindergarten but don't really absorb that reality until you see a picture of Earth from space. Joe always knew Kevin was much better at dealing with girls, all individuals actually, than himself. Sure, Joe could work a crowd and grab attentions, but Kevin was way better at the one-to-one interaction.

But it was here and now, how easily he comforted an upset girl, when Joe completely grasped that reality.

"Bro, you're my hero."

"Uh, thanks, Joe," Kevin responded, thoroughly confused

--

He really couldn't believe he was doing this... again. 

He remembered what Kevin said when he came back. _Just listen. Be empathetic. Try not to talk so much.  
_

"AJ?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about before."

"What are you doing, Joe?" she ignored his apology.

"Honestly? I don't want to hate you anymore and I don't want you to hate me."

No answer.

"I just want you to know that you meant a lot to me. You were a great friend."

"You were a good friend too," she admitted. She probably didn't want to.

"So could you tell me why you got so angry? I wish I knew, but I honestly don't. I mean, that night on the balcony was awesome and then sudde-..."

"You mean the night you tried to sleep with me?" she interrupted him, still with the slightest twinge of anger.

"Uh, what?"

"Yeah. You kissed me by my door and asked to come in. I said it wasn't a good idea. You didn't call for two days after that!"

"What!? I didn't call you two days after because I was busy, not because I was mad at you. And I wasn't trying to sleep with you. I just wanted to come in. I thought you knew me better than that."

"Oh." She sounded sorry, but regained her acrid tone, "And you couldn't find two minutes in your busy day to call your girlfriend on her birthday?"

"I guess I thought it wasn't that big a deal." Joe paused. "I'm sorry... for everything."

"I'm sorry too. That is the last time I consult my girlfriends before talking to a guy. Can we put this behind us?"

"Gladly. I'll see you in Orlando, k?"

"Okay, Joe. G'night."

He hung up and stared at his phone. Was it really just that easy?

--

A/N: _I realize that writing about a girl's menstrual period makes people uncomfortable, even girls. To be honest, it makes me a little uncomfortable too. I think we, as a society, should just suck it up. _


	8. anais nin

_Read slowly please._

--

**"Throw your dreams into space like a kite, and you do not know what it will bring back, a new life, a new friend, a new love..."**  
**-Anais Nin**

--

When she took Intro to Psychology in college last year, she read a section in the text about dreams. No one knew why people had dreams. Many tried to theorize the possible reasons. Freud claimed it was a way for humans to relieve subconscious problems and desires; without dreams, he said, we would reach unsafe levels of psychological turbulence. Others hypothesized that dreams were just random synapses firing in the brain. The pictures and noises we claim to experience are just side effects from other brain functions.

She's known this for over a year, yet she still fell into this hole. Lured by the seductive hope of love, she jumped off a cliff, not anticipating the inevitable impact of landing. She should have known.

Nothing she does is completely controlled by her reason. No matter how grounded she attempted to be, her hormones will always get their way. And like a good and humble servant, she will obey their every whim.

So this dream was nothing more than a chemical cocktail. That feeling in her gut, was that too just a biological hiccup or a glitch in her endocrine gland? Will she ever feel that way again?

She closed her eyes and sandwiched her arms between her chest and her thighs. Her hair flowed like a curtain over her head. She just sat there, motionless.

When she propped herself up, she felt her eyes producing tears. Before any could fall, she blinked furiously, refusing to completely be subject to her body's whims. No tears will fall, she promised herself. Her hand went to her eyes and brushed off her eyelids. Her fingers were slightly moist.

Damn.

She was about to get up, but couldn't. She didn't want anyone seeing her like this, having to deal with those looks of concern and obligatory questions about how she is feeling. Then having to convince them that she was okay. She hated that. In fact, she hadn't had to do it since middle school – a fact she was very proud of.

Out of nowhere she felt a hand on her shoulder. It was Kevin. He sat down next to her, not looking at her. She was grateful for that, at least.

He swayed his knees, probably out of nervousness. Occasionally, they would hit hers. But one time, his left calf hit her right one and just stayed there.

Unlike her typical responses, she didn't move away. She moved closer to him and let her body rest against his chest. This was the first time in a long time that someone had physically comforted her. She slowly placed her head gently against his shoulder.

While not the intense, turbulent whirlwind of emotions in her dream, this... this felt pretty all right.

--

**end**


	9. note from the author II

**from the author II**

So, why didn't Jeanine and Joe get together? Simple: because they just weren't right together.

I usually don't like it when authors explain everything to their readers. It seems unnecessary most of the time. But hey, this is not a major publishing company, right? And if you don't want to hear my opinions, then stop reading. So here are my thoughts about my characters.

Joe liked talking to J for personal, self-serving reasons. Though Joe is not perfect (I don't consider him a bad person), he does have redeeming qualities. He eventually realizes the one-way nature of his relationship with J and puts her needs (being comforted by an understanding person) ahead of his own (the satisfaction of comforting). By the end of the story, he gained a tiny bit more insight into interacting with girls. That's why I included the whole AJ thread. For the record, I imagine the break-up was both their faults.

Jeanine's plot deals with the nature of dreams, both literal and figurative. She had a literal dream, but after that, she held onto the idea of love - a figurative dream. Because in her mind she labeled Joe to be emotional and Kevin to be logical, she divulges her dream to Joe. However, these portrayals are obviously a little unfounded. The last chapter (kind of the second to last chapter) dealt with her coming to terms with both her faulty assumptions.

When I was brainstorming about this story, I thought it would be a cool idea to tell a love story in which the two people falling in love were not the main characters. I don't think I did a great job honestly, but at least I tried.

Looking back, I realize how rushed the plot seemed, so in the "sequel," I'll try to provide some context and deeper characterization on J. If you have any particular questions you want answered, leave a comment and I'll do my best to work it into _Definition_.

**Thank you so much** for sticking with this rather boring story. I love you all.

-a


End file.
